I got the pictures for this post from a contest Booooooom.com had with the team behind the Spike Jonze film adaptation of Where the Wild Things Are. The contest called for participants to send in pictures of forts they made. There are so many beautiful ones and you can click here to see some of them. Ultimately, I think the exercise served as a throwback to the world of make-believe we had as children, aside from the more obvious aesthetics strewn cloth and tea lights give us.

I wish I could say that what I miss the most would be my childhood, but the truth is far, far from that. I don't have fond memories of my childhood, but I did like building forts. It was something my brother and sister would do when we were a lot younger and bored. I was also the sort of kid that can get lost in the world of her stuffed animals and her Barbie dolls. I would orchestrate all these elaborate stories for the characters I'd create, and grownups could leave me alone for hours as I packed all my toys into a plastic car for an adventure out in my garden.

I do miss that, getting lost in a world that I create. If I think hard enough I can remember the trance I'd place myself in. I'd be so caught up with the dialogues I'd make one G.I. Joe say to one of my Barbies. I'd have tales of kidnapping, betrayal, amnesia, cooking parties, and endless trips out to the "jungle." The closest I ever got back to that world was when I wrote my first short story this year. Rather than have stuffed bears and outlandish scenarios, I drew up characters from my experiences growing up and from my friends' personalities. These characters of fiction that I created kept me spellbound for days. You couldn't tear me away from my writing pad (as I'm one of those writers that still write by hand sometimes) because my story was taking a life of its own. I drafted their histories, the way they looked, their zodiac signs even, and I just imagined how they all interacted with each other. In my mind, they became real, as if they were my dearest friends.

Then from that moment, I realized that magic never really left my life. For a long time, I was just so caught up with everyday life that I lost sight of the things that made my life worth living. To me, it was magic. It was all about possessing a sense of wonder and being able to see the world in an incredible way. I got into depth with it when I wrote an essay this year entitled "Dear Eddie Vedder."


What do I miss then? I miss intimacy with a lover. A lot of people would regard that as a sign of weakness, acknowledging that life is missing something when you don't have a significant other. I'm one of those, and I've been hesitant to admit this side of mine ever since I excavated myself from the toxic heap of endless relationships I threw myself into.

The last time I had a long-term relationship was early in 2008, and since then I've been flying solo, sometimes going on dates with some guys or hooking up with my ex's again. Those never lasted long, especially with the hooking up, when you end up feeling emptier than what you began with. It's not the assured nookie or the constant companionship I miss, I just miss looking into the eyes of someone who just gets it.

Someone that I can share the kooky observations I make about life, without having to fear them getting weirded out. I miss being on my bed with someone, side by side just staring at the prints of my walls, discussing philosophy, life, and God knows what else. I miss that, more than anyone would ever realize.

In one of my favorite graphic novels Blankets, author Craig Thompson illustrates a scene where he and his younger brother Phil were walking in a field near the house they grew up in. Craig remembers that as kids, he and his brother discovered an otherworldly cave there and explored it. Then as days went by, the earth kept caving in, burying that hollow space in the ground until one day, they just came across flat ground.

I'd like to think that I don't romanticize this connection with senses of heightened idealism, that float too high up from reality. I certainly don't go around looking for it anymore. This sort of thing cannot be forced, it just happens. I miss the moments when you find your back on the ground of a damp field with someone and you guys are just gazing up into the stars waxing about existence and the infinitesimal. I miss long drives along a quiet, cold highway singing songs you and someone both love. These are all quiet, simple moments. These are the moments that give me the most joy. I think far too much time has gone by for me to easily believe that these things have happened.

Even rarer is something I classify into the class 1 experience, that moment of tension before a first kiss. When the air feels electric and time slows down and you get more sensitive to every single sensory experience... down to smell, taste, touch. When there's no alcohol or drugs involved, when it's the right person.

It's December, and around this time every year, I start feeling really sentimental. As I carefully wrap everything up, I guess I also have another thing to request from the universe. Some magic again, please. Something real.

For sale: tickets to the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Sydney Hordern Pavillion on January 8, 2010!

I’ve got 3 of ‘em up for grabs but you don’t need to buy em all!

Don’t miss this concert! (I wish I didn’t have to!)

E-mail if you are interested: ala_paredes@yahoo.com

Когда это фотоаппарат попал ко мне в руки, я захотела ехать в путешествие еще больше прежнего. Дело в его цвете и размере, он уже был залогом успешного отдыха, тк сам по себе красив и привлекает своим внешним видом окружающих,удивленные взгляды встречались повсюду.



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Happy Holidays, Everyone!

Familia Coruña

Circa 2009

"Christmas 1963"
Joseph Enzweiler

Because we wanted much that year
and had little. Because the winter phone
for days stayed silent that would call
our father back to work, and he
kept silent too with our mother,
fearfully proud before us.

Because I was young that morning
in gray light untouched on the rug
and our gifts were so few, propped
along the furniture, for a second
my heart fell, then saw how large
they made the spaces between them

to take the place of less. Because
the curtained sun rose brightly
on our discarded paper and the things
themselves, these forty years,
have grown too small to see, the emptiness
measured out remains the gift,

fills the whole room now, that whole year
out across the snowy lawn. Because
a drop of shame burned quietly
in the province of love. Because
we had little that year
and were given much.

---

Merry Christmas.

"little tree"
E. E. Cummings

little tree
little silent Christmas tree
you are so little
you are more like a flower

who found you in the green forest
and were you very sorry to come away?
see i will comfort you
because you smell so sweetly

i will kiss your cool bark
and hug you safe and tight
just as your mother would,
only don't be afraid

look the spangles
that sleep all the year in a dark box
dreaming of being taken out and allowed to shine,
the balls the chains red and gold the fluffy threads,

put up your little arms
and i'll give them all to you to hold
every finger shall have its ring
and there won't be a single place dark or unhappy

then when you're quite dressed
you'll stand in the window for everyone to see
and how they'll stare!
oh but you'll be very proud

and my little sister and i will take hands
and looking up at our beautiful tree
we'll dance and sing
"Noel Noel"

"Making the Best of the Holidays"
James Tate

Justine called on Christmas day to say she
was thinking of killing herself. I said, "We're
in the middle of opening presents, Justine. Could
you possibly call back later, that is, if you're
still alive." She was furious with me and called
me all sorts of names which I refuse to dignify
by repeating them. I hung up on her and returned
to the joyful task of opening presents. Everyone
seemed delighted with what they got, and that
definitely included me. I placed a few more logs
on the fire, and then the phone rang again. This
time it was Hugh and he had just taken all of his
pills and washed them down with a quart of gin.
"Sleep it off, Hugh," I said, "I can barely under-
stand you, you're slurring so badly. Call me
tomorrow, Hugh, and Merry Christmas." The roast
in the oven smelled delicious. The kids were playing
with their new toys. Loni was giving me a big
Christmas kiss when the phone rang again. It was
Debbie. "I hate you," she said. "You're the most
disgusting human being on the planet." "You're
absolutely right," I said, "and I've always been
aware of this. Nonetheless, Merry Christmas, Debbie."
Halfway through dinner the phone rang again, but
this time Loni answered it. When she came back
to the table she looked pale. "Who was it?" I
asked. "It was my mother," she said. "And what
did she say?" I asked. "She said she wasn't my
mother," she said.

 

♥♥♥ New gadget! In what could be the most surprised (and very happy) moment of my life, the gf outdid herself this time. Did I also mention how she sent a jamongous bunch of flowers and my favorite cake last monthsary at my office (with the help of my boss, no less, haha). I confirm that I might be one of the luckiest girls in the world. (Bises, Universe) Thanks love!

♥♥♥ New crush: Ali Smith. She reminds me of Winterson and Waters, in a more optimistic and hopeful package. I thought I saw The Accidental in some Booksale branch but no such luck. I did stumble upon....ARIEL SCHRAG! *dance break*
I wish I had someone with me that fateful day so I could clutch her and hyperventilate, but nonetheless, what were the chances of finding a graphic novel by Schrag for only Php140? *very pleased*
Am still on the lookout for books by her. Anyone out there interested in a swap or selling old copies of her books? :)

♥♥♥ New office: So this was our last year at MBC. It really saddens me that I had to leave my beautiful window view and comfy seat behind, but nothing is permanent, after all. I just have to grin and bear it. Hopefully this means more exercise for me, since the walk to work is much longer now. On the plus side, I do have a corkboard behind me which I think I can post anti-subservient slogans inspirational messages. The new office means we have to think of...

♥♥♥ New dining options: The foodcourt back at the old office was comforting, but the new food court near us now has SOUP! Like the Soup Kitchen, but much cheaper. The other day I had squash soup so thick and mushroom soup puree, which tasted like vegetarian arrozcaldo. Mmm.

♥♥♥ New notebooks: For Christmas I requested for pretty notebooks and got my wish. I am now the proud owner of more than 5 notebooks, yay! Now for the content, I'm thinking of having the regular gratitudes journal, the what I wore today doodle notebook, a morning pages journal, a bring-everywhere-for-whatever notebook. Any suggestions for the others? :)

♥♥♥ New friends: For this module for my French classes, we only had one guy (Pat, who I also love) and the rest of us are women. I think we bonded really well, and we even had a Christmas potluck party in class with our teacher. I'm looking forward to being with them next module. I love that we have so much in common, from taste in books, music and movies to work industry. They make learning much more fun.

♥♥♥ New blog: I'm keeping a book blog, over at vox. I love how it inspires me to be more critical with the books/magazines I read, to seek out quote-worthy passages worth sharing and to not waste my time with books that don't do anything for me. The great thing about vox is that it has this Amazon tie-up where you can just click on the book title and it will find it for you, then you just insert it in your post. Ah, the joys of laziness.

♥♥♥ New tea-love and morning routine: This is the year I've discovered my love for tea. I don't drink coffee that much anymore, and I've decided to splurge on tea, since they're good for more than one use, after all, and healthier. Right now I'm in love with Celestial's Tension Tamer tea, and I drink it each morning, whilst eating my banana and honey oatmeal bowl with craisins. The minute I wake up I decide if I'm in the mood for some home yoga for a few minutes, while I'm heating water. Then I steep my tea while I prep my oatmeal bowl. Then I eat it with some uppity morning music or try to read a few pages from a nice book or try to write in my morning pages journal. I'm quite the routine-addict.

♥♥♥ New scent addictions: You might be familiar with the human heart nature organic products by now. I seriously considered trying to be a seller but got a bit scared by the initial down. But since they keep on innovating, I'm rethinking this. At the very least, I'm thinking I could just use the products on myself if I can't sell them. I'm in love with their hand sanitizers (right now I'm using the sugarcane/watermelon scent every minute or so. Don't be surprised if you see me sniffing my hands every now and then) and lipbalm.

I'm looking forward to 2010, and at the top of my head, here are things that made 2009 utterly unforgettable for me:

Winning. First run. First time to run. Hulahooping. Learning a new language. Learning about hope, optimism and ultimately, trust. How optimism is the key. Motorcycle incident as something symbolic. Loving completely. Trying to understand. What does not kill me makes me stronger. Joined several helpful self-help sites. Wrote more adoring letters to people I adore, and got sweet replies. Magical people come from a magical place. The Weepies still make my heart fly. So does new favorites, like Owl City, or Carla Bruni. The feeling of being at the right place, at the right time. Talking till my throat hurts. Laughing till my belly aches, with office friends. Laughing about ourselves, and how silly we were. Silliness and nonsense. Daydreams and starsparkles. Unicorns and rainbows, the ever-constant. Being surprised by what's in front of me. Getting lots of lovin' from people I idolize, in form of email/snailmail. The Universe and Galadarling being heartwarmers, smilebringers. The generosity of the world. Magic in unexpected places. Change change change. The power of the net and comments. The awesomeness of my lj-friends. Meeting new friends, hopefully for keeps. Tasting new food items, trying out new places. Discovering new favorites. Struggling to be soft, not letting the world make me hard. Learning when to save and when to splurge. Finally learning how money is not the endpoint, how it just enhances the journey. The true definition of "true". How time could heal things. How friends/strangers could surprise you. How you could surprise yourself.
How I'm thankful for everything, how I'm glad and happy to be where I am right now. My heart is in a nice comfy warm place. For that, I have you in part to thank. :)


Happy Holidays to you and your loved ones! I love you all!

"Without"
Donald Hall

He hovered beside Jane's bed,
solicitous: "What can I do?"
It must have been unbearable
while she suffered her private hurts
to see his worried face
looming above her, always anxious to do
something when there was
exactly nothing to do. Inside him,
some four-year-old
understood that if he was good -- thoughtful,
considerate, beyond
reproach, perfect -- she would not leave him.

Holiday debuggery

We know there were a few kinks with the holiday promotion. We've been working very hard to get them ironed out. If you have a paid/permanent account, keep on sending those coupons. Here's an update:

• If you were unable to send out multiple coupons at a time, please perform a hard refresh, and you should be good to go.
• If you redeemed a coupon to upgrade your account and the balance at checkout was $0 instead of $9.95 or $15, this means your upgrade did not go through (nor were you charged). We've straightened this out, so you can now apply your holiday coupon toward the purchase of an annual paid account.
• If you tried to redeem a holiday coupon and had trouble using a gift certificate to cover the balance of an annual paid account, we identified the root problem. If this happened to you, you can now use your holiday coupon together with your gift certificate.
• If the number of holiday coupons you have available suddenly goes up (instead of down), this might be due to recipients declining the coupons, at which point your pool of available coupons will be replenished and, therefore, increase.
• If you need assistance with holiday coupons or pretty much anything else (well, LiveJournal related), please open a support request and we'll be more than happy to help!

Tweaks

• There were some initial glitches displaying results on My Guests, but we've worked them out. We hope you'll check out who's been checking you out!
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Give a little extra!

We're pleased to report that we've already sold over 100 virtual red ribbons in honor of National AIDS Awareness month. Remember, for each charitable vgift you purchase for $2.99, we'll donate 100 percent of gross proceeds to IAVI.org (the International AIDS Vaccine Initiative) to fund the development of an HIV vaccine. Once again, we thank you for your generosity.

Celebrate with holiday vGifts!

Stop by the Virtual Gift Shop and share some holiday magic with your LiveJournal friends.

Photos of the week

We're back with more dazzling pictures from around the world. Congrats to marlenemcc, who has been awarded a virtual blue ribbon as the winner of our fourth photo contest. We hope you'll click over to LJ_Photophile poll and tell us your picks in pics!

For more fantastic user content, we'll meet you under the cut. ( Read more... )

Curtains

Thanks, again, for reading. Here's wishing you the very merriest of holidays. We'll see you next year!

Sniffing around for an open door to do illustration work in Manila. So hard when you've been out of the network for 4 years. I need a place to start! Don't want to leave without planting seeds.

"Sonnet XCIV"
Pablo Neruda

If I die, survive me with such a pure force
you make the pallor and the coldness rage;
flash your indelible eyes from south to south,
from sun to sun, till your mouth sings like a guitar.

I don’t want your laugh or your footsteps to waver;
I don’t want my legacy of happiness to die;
don’t call to my breast: I’m not there.
Live in my absence as in a house.

Absence is such a large house
that you’ll walk through the walls,
hang pictures in sheer air.

Absence is such a transparent house
that even being dead I will see you there,
and if you suffer, Love, I’ll die a second time.

in the original Spanish

Si muero sobrevíveme con tanta fuerza pura
que despiertes la furia del pálido y del frío,
de sur a sur levanta tus ojos indelebles,
de sol a sol que suene tu boca de guitarra.
No quiero que vacilen tu risa ni tus pasos,
no quiero que se muera mi herencia de alegría,
no llames a mi pecho, estoy ausente.
Vive en mi ausencia como en una casa.
Es una casa tan grande la ausencia
que pasarás en ella a través de los muros
y colgarás los cuadros en el aire.
Es una casa tan transparente la ausencia
que yo sin vida te veré vivir
y si sufres, mi amor, me moriré otra vez.

( Read the rest of this entry » )

Crosspost from KARAGODIN.COM

holga120GN with 120film.
always more at my journal.

Wow. 2009 was such a fucked up year. In spite of my declaration and resolve earlier this year, 2009 was definitely not mine. I, in fact got fucking owned by 2009 in more ways than one. In spite of this however, 2009 was a great year for metal. I'll definitely get around to making a more in-depth list of this but I was looking through some of my favorites this year and there's definitely a lot of them. I may have missed a few but here's a preview of the list. I'll give a more in-depth entry once I finally get the time to do so.

• Behemoth - Evangelion
• Alice in Chains - Black Gives Way to Blue
• Megadeth - End Game
• Slayer - World Painted Blood
• Mastodon - Crack the Skye
• Animals as Leaders - Animals as Leaders
• Baroness - Blue Record
• Between the Buried and Me - The Great Misdirect
• Burnt by the Sun - Heart of Darkness
• Cattle Decapitation - The Harvest Floor
• The Chariot - Wars, and Rumors of Wars
• Coalesce - Ox
• Converge - Axe to Fall
• Devin Townsend - Ki
• Earth Crisis - To the Death
• Gallows - Grey Britain
• Goatwhore - Carving Out the Eyes of God
• Isis - Wavering Radiant
• Narrows - New Distances
• Pissed Jeans - King of Jeans
• Skeletonwitch - Breathing the Fire
• The Red Chord - Fed Through the Teeth Machine
• Tombs - Winter Hours
• Revocation - Existence is Futile

Damn. That's 24 albums that I had on heavy rotation this year. This isn't including non-metal or hardcore acts either. How the hell do I trim this down to 20?

Edit: How the hell could I have forgotten Agoraphobic Nosebleeed's Agorapocalypse? I guess that's 25 albums instead of 20 then. No need to pare it down. It'll still be tough to rank it though.

"The Shortest Day"
Susan Cooper

And so the Shortest Day came and the year died
And everywhere down the centuries of the snow-white world
Came people singing, dancing,
To drive the dark away.
They lighted candles in the winter trees;
They hung their homes with evergreen;
They burned beseeching fires all night long
To keep the year alive.
And when the new year's sunshine blazed awake
They shouted, revelling.
Through all the frosty ages you can hear them
Echoing behind us - listen!
All the long echoes, sing the same delight,
This Shortest Day,
As promise wakens in the sleeping land:
They carol, feast, give thanks,
And dearly love their friends,
And hope for peace.
And now so do we, here, now,
This year and every year.
Welcome Yule!

---

I am working on a project for my grandmother and am in search of poetry relating to grief, continuing with life after a spouse's death, Alzheimer's/loss of memory, loneliness, love, heaven, et cetera. I hope that makes sense. Anyway, I would love any help you could give me with poetry relating to those topics. If I've posted the poem before that's fine, since there are 700+ poems and I can't recall every one. Thank you so much.